It's not about the ride...
 

My wife and I are 64 and in a few weeks we will head off on a Chinese motorcycle from NE China and travel west to Baja Mexico. In two weeks, we will celebrate 42 years being married. Giving our age and long term relationship I think I can offer a different perspective - it isn't asbout the ride, its about passion and if two people don't shate the same passions, NOTHING works. The object of that passion is almost irrelavent.

I missed out on a trans-America (New Hampshire- LA-Alaska-New Hampshire)trip on a Triumph in 1963 and it has always a bit of a thorn in my side and while I never really threw it at my wife, she knew I felt somehow cheated because I gave it up for her I was young and in love). Then we did the kids, mortgage, career thing for a long time.

Then I retired, gave up my K1200 LT and moved to China to teach. About a year ago I announced that I was going to ride the Chang Jiang back to the US and did my wife want to come with me. Janet said yes but I knew that it wasn't a happy "yes". I told her that she could bail out of the ride at any point and rejoin at any other location, it was up to her. You see, by this time we knew each other pretty well, I didn't have the "will the relationship survive if I leave" syndrome. My wife knows that I am very passionate about what I set my mind to -- no matter what I do.

To move to China we sold the house, the cars, got rid of the dogs and she left two great kids and I left my K1200 LT behind. Now that we are leaving China we have to leave more stuff and will literally pack everything we own in the sidecar and head off for the next 14-16 months on our first trip of a life time.

If Janet didn't follow me all over the country while I was in business, she certainly wouldn't have moved to China with me in 2001 and without the experience of China she never would have agreed to come on this trip. What's more, after she became involved in the planning, she is now really excited about this trip and looking forward to all the difficulties, joys, thrills and danger that we might encounter.

But then it's taken us 42 years (50 if you count the school sweetheart time) to prepare. Why go through all this? The divorce rate is already over 50% for kids just starting out. People fall in love and jump into a relationship without thinking or exercising the same amount of reason that you apply when researching what adventure bike you are going to buy next.

Compromise is good but make sure its compromise and not control you are looking at and that goes for both you. Waiting and planning is good but then so is jumping on the your bike at the spur of the moment and just riding off. In fact both are necessary for me, even at my advanced age (right!).

Keep this in mind, it may not be just this SA ride that you want to go on and that she is reluctant to consider, it could also be about which house you buy, how to raise your kids, which car and what color.

It's not about the ride, it's about passion, it's about life! Choose carefully.

Grant, I think you gave the best advice of us all...go to, and take your girfriend to, the HU meeting!

Flashy, I think you put what others and myself said with a little more eloquence. I don't mean to jump on his significant other, but it sounds like he is the one who has to compromise. He just met her, and his plans are now supposed to change to accomodate her. I hope he reads your answer and takes heed!

By the way, are you going south into Baja? (Is that where you plan on living?) If you are going to be anywhere near Yuma, Arizona, look me up.

I was a little misleading.. We have only been a serious couple for about 6-7 months but we were good friends for some years before so it feels like we been together for quite some time longer.

Im taking in every word of this forum, even the ones I dont want to hear and its helping me. We are deffo going for a trans european ride next summer and iv told her that south America has GOT to happen for me. I still dont think shes keen of South America as she says it makes no sense to go on a bike. She said she will travel SA but only for a month or 2 tops and not on bikes.

I told her im going, on the bike with or without her the year after our trip. I guess only time will tell what happens.

Ill try and get the HU meeting if I can... Where and when ???

UK 2006 Meeting Make sure you both go and maybe she'll be converted?

Regards, Mick

Or you'll find out the truth...

:angel:

or

:hang:

Do what you want to do
 

Ted……
Hmm… where to start?
I believe that staying in a relationship where one of the partner is controlling will lead to lots of heartache for the other one. Is it going to start by you giving up the trip, then the bike, then everything that she will not approve off? I don't know your girlfriend, but I've met few girls who started testing the water with their boyfriends by ultimatum on this and then that etc… and wrapped the guys around their little finger so that in the end they were just puppets who would do anything to please her so that they would get some peace! Make sure you don't turn into a puppet, that's all!

Now about going to SA, but she says without the bikes. I think it’s a great idea. Take her to do a 3 weeks holiday around the Ruta Maya for example. After taking the chicken bus in Guatemala, and spending hours and hours in buses (is it 24 hours from Flores to Antigua? Can't remember exactly) to go from A to B, carrying a huge suitcase or backpack, she will realise, that moving around in SA without your own car or bike is a huge pain and can be expensive (All those internal flights/ renting a car with driver etc…). Ha yes and also the fact the buses won't stop every 2 hours in nice locations for a pee in a clean toilet… She may come round to the idea of moving around in the bikes.

Last but not least, what is it that bring both of you together? You seem to be so different…. What is it that make you booth tilt? What passion do you share? What are your long term projects/dreams/expectations? AS has been said before, and as the French say goes: "L'amour ce n'est pas de se regarder dans les yeux, c'est de regarder ensemble dans la meme direction" (Love is not about staring into each other eyes, it's about watching together toward / to the same direction). Having a shared vision is essential for a long term relationship to endure, be it the bikes, travel, kids or Japanese stamps….

Don't give up your dreams. Don't let others dictate how you should live your life (like parents/GF/family…). Do what will make YOU happy in the long term, but that means also doing sacrifices (like upsetting parents/family, leaving the GF...)… Remember, nothing worth having comes easy.

See you at the HUBB meeting in June!

Don't put away your trip in South America right now...
 

Hi Tedmagnum!

Your girl friend like to travel with more comfort: Forget Europe and start in Argentina or Brasil to introduce her to South America!!! There are plenty of nice hotels. There are paveds road everywhere to keep her clothes clean. Bring her on the beaches in Brasil. She can find anything she needs easily.

Then travel for a while with her and if she does not like it, she'll fly back home and you'll have all South America for you and live your trip as you want it!!!

Don't forget that your money (Euro) is worth a lot in South America. Your small trip in Europe can be many months of travelling in SA.

Patrick

thats very true but flying ourselves and the bikes to SA will cost many thousands too :wacko:

Good thing about Europe is that we just need to hop on a ferry and were in France and the Journey has already started. Dont get me wrong, i WOULD LOVE to start in south america, but i want me and my gf to be happy and do it together.

Just leave her home and do as planned (SA trip). Im 30 years old and also single, and next week I`ll start my trip from home( argentina) to California (hopefully) so I really know how many effort is used in trip planning. Other way you will find yourself surrounded by kids and obligations pretty soon, believe me; i saw this happened to many riding buddies. Such a trip is a life time experience, and if you already took your choice, stick to it. I sold the car, other bike, quited job and now all my belongins are so few that they can fit the saddle bags.Ahh!! you'll find some real pretty girls down here, in case you need help removing you fiance from your mind. Good luck.

Goddag hr. Adam her.
 

Hi Erik. It's adam kjeldsen. I've been searching for you through the net, to contact you. Then i found this bikers forum, in my search for you. Please contact me if it's possible:thumbup1:

Brilliant! Good stuff! Good luck to you both -I like your spirit!!!

Thanks Dennis..

Some wise word indeed !! Will take them onboard

Is it real?
 

This is the first major difference that you have in the lives that you both want to lead. If this is a major goal for you and she won't accept it,and it is"potentile love" ,you should do it. How many more of your dreams are you ready to sacrifice for " potencial love".Live for your your ambitions and soneone to share them with
It's a tuff one, I hope it works out well.

Well, things have changed again..and this time its her mind.

I should have been clearer at the start. We have been serious for nearly a year now but before that we were friends,lovers and on and off couple for about 5 years. I guess we are a lot more serious than I thought...

She's turned round and basically said its the travelling or her. She thinks my lifestyle is hair-brained, going nowhere and ill end up with nothing. Me floating between jobs and "holidays" (her words) offers her no stability and future which is true, but iv always been a dreamer and a bit of a drifter and maybe its now taking a tole on my life in a negative way. Iv never saved, bought property or thought about the future and she wants the house, kids and sunday DIY store trips trips NOW !

Now I know many would say "screw her and just go" but I love her very much and I DO want the things she wants, but not just yet.. I guess it doesnt help that shes a few years older than me and shes quite keen to start a family.

I now have to decide.....Do I want to forget my dream of 1-2 years on the road and leave her behind for good, or sell my bike,gear and maps and start shopping for morgages.

I know I just want my cake and to eat it but i really feel at the crossroads of life. Do I pick love, kids and marriage and monotony or do I pick travelling, a stress free life and a bag of memories but potentially end up regretting losing the love of my life for eternity.

That's a tough one. No matter how much advice you will get, it's YOU who has to make the decision. But you probably already know that.

Our Western civilisation is a game. Money is its religion. The winner is s/he who dies with the most assets.