What would you do ??
 

I had a huge trip planned. 6-12 months living and travelling South America at my leisure. It was my dream to escape the confines and feeling of imprisonment working in a 9-5 office job. Id bought the bike, kitted her out, studied Spanish for 12months, planned my routes etc... Pretty much ready to go.

but.... In the middle of this, about 8 months ago I met a girl and we've become quite serious. She was keen about coming with me as long as I came to aus with her first and put my trip on hold for 12 months, which i agreed to.

Well, the aus trip has evaporated and she no longer has any desire to travel (for personal & financial reason) and in fact wants us to get a house etc and settle for the holiday resort type things that Joe blogs is happy to settle for..

Shes made it quite clear that If i go and leave her then things are over (fair enough I suppose)

Well... what should I do ?? Give up my dream which was over 12 months in the planning, or lose the potential love of my life.. Iv tried to convince her to come with me but she wont/cant ride and has no passion to "live out of a pannier box"


Advice please ???

Compromise
 

Perhaps you could go for three months and meet her out there for a couple of weeks in between.

It's a really tough one.

True Love?
 

If it were true love on her part:

(a)She wouldn’t ask you to give up your trip when you are willing to be flexible
(b)She’d go with you and give it a try since there’s plenty of time for the dull stuff later
(c)She’d still love you after 12 months away and maybe she will

If it were true love on your part:

(a)You wouldn’t be asking us.

That said, Iain’s advice is sound and if she can’t accept 3 months then perhaps in a polite way you should tell her your HUBB signature. A lifetime is a long time to be doing what other people want.

I hope she can compromise.
Stephan

Even you say, and I quote, "potential love" of your life. Either she is the love of your life or she isn't.

I dunno. If she's telling you one month "let's go to Aus for a trip", and then turning around and giving you ultimatums to stay home, I don't think this is "the love of your life".

Nasty stutter your getting there Bruce....

what I mean to say is, I love this girl very much and I don't want to leave her and i respect her reasons for not wanting to come with me, especially as the trip would cost in excess of 6K.

I also resent the fact that I cant live the lifestyle i grew accustomed to, with just leaving the country at the drop of a hat and not having to worry how it effects other peoples lives.

I don't feel anyone should be told "its the trip or me" but I'm sure many of us have faced this same ultimatum.

Its also equally unfair of me to expect her to sit around and wait for me as
even 3 months is A LONG time for someone to wait and i want to go for longer anyway.

Is it just her or are other partners/wife's etc as uncompromising or is travelling a single persons game (assuming their partner isn't willing to go with)

My 2p worth
 

I have had dreams to travel long distance since I was 17, now 26, and having read Robbie Marshall riding triumph from London to OZ. My partner then wasnt keen on coming with me, would only do the trip in four wheels. The want and need was getting bigger and bigger, last summer for various reasons the relationship feel apart, primarily down to my lack of commitment to settle down and do the sensible stuff. So now I am single, 3 weeks away from the trip of a lifetime and still contemplating if I have lost the love of my life. You have one life, just live it. Regrets will just eat at you but the rewards will be greater.

Stay safe

Paul

Fear of the potential consequences involved in burning bridges, tearing up ones roots and putting the rest of things on hold, with few conviction of things giving a long lasting increase in the return of ones investment, so to speak, is only natural.

But don't fret, there is a tedious and expensive middleway, which might let both of you have your cake and eat it too.

How about extending the duration of which you try to achieve your goals? Instead of achieving it in one year, do it in 6-12 years? Do the world bit by bit, one leg at a time. Ship yourselves and your bikes in and out for every leg, or have the bikes stored locally between legs. Use your regular vacations to travel, maybe with some aditional leave of absence. This way, you can keep your careers, and all those other things which may seem so important at the time. Although this will turn out more expensive, you have to see the increased costs up against increase in wages, down payment of mortgages of property which increases in value, etc. The only thing you will forsake in this scenario is alternative use of vacation time and cash.

Comitting oneself to a 4-8 week trip may not be perceived as such a risky sacrifice, but may very well be all she needs to get hooked, wanting to do the whole thing in one go. It may also be what you need to determine whether this woman is the right one for you... or it may even convince you that this adventuring is not at all what it was cracked up to be. Maybe you even find out that this is a better way to travel? If in the mean time, during these years, you were to have children, comfort yourself in the thought that a couple from New Zeland is currently spending one year riding 60.000 km on two bikes, with two children (6 and 8 yrs old?), and she has never ridden before. If you are both determined enough, you don't have to forsake nothing. Also, if you do decide to travel for shorter durations, and the children are old enough, there are always grand parents, summer camps, etc., which the kids can have great experiences from. You could allways swap your bikes for a Landcruiser. Lastly, maybe your priorities will change all together, with you valuing other things more adventuring, making it a little costly sacrifice to forsake??

If you do get her to go down this road, but you still don't get the chance to travel for extended periods at a time, you may allways have the enjoyment of planning the next leg together. Personally I think the planning and preparing itself is half the adventure.

Another resort, if you can't get her to go along, but you are thinking more about the years to come, than the first one ahead, and she really is the love of your life, than make a deal. You get to travel for a month or two, every other year, with or without her. There will come a time when getting away from it all (including the wifey and the rug rats), if only for a month or so every other year, just won't sound too bad.

Ask yourself this. You travel for one year. Then what? What do you do with the rest of your life? No more adventures?

So, this is what I suggest. Find a 4-8 week leg that you know that she would love, with things on the itinerary that she would be all stoked up about and unable to refuse. If you get her to go, hopefully she will want to do it again.

What does she like? Getting massages in south east asia? Sitting in a hammamed bath in Tunisia? Seeing the Norwegian fjords? Hiking the kilimanjaro? Riding route 66? Visitng wine castles in France? Travel through Tuscany? Shopping in London? Camping in the Sahara? Scooba diving in the Red Ocean? Doing an African wild life safari? Or just riding for the sake of it? Find out what she likes and doesn't like, and adjust your itinerary accordingly. Make your trip irresistable so she will want more. Maybe a little less camping? Maybe shorter legs and longer stop overs? Maybe better food and less dangers? Maybe another set of clothing and make up in the panniers? You've used ages preparing yourself for this, give her some time to climatise to the thought.

Some good advice there.. Its appreciated. The problem is she doesnt want to go anywhere for more than a fortnight. She likes adventure but only if its finished each night with a 3* hotel and a clean comfy bed. I want to spend my nights under the stars or in rural villages. Where I think of a long potholed road through the moutains is a challenge and an adventure, she would break down in tears and call for emergency evacuation... Overlanding is just not her thing. Before we became a serious couple we were kind of "good friends". she came with me for 3 weeks over France, Andora and Spain 2 up on my Africa twin. She was unhappy with the lack of clean clothes and no hair dryer and I knew she was desperate to get home... and that was staying in hotels and lodges EVERYNIGHT... imagine her in South America.

I dont want to just go on holiday with a bike.. I want to go on a long adventure, to find myself, to test myself and to really spend time away from the comforts and emotional security of home. I love riding and I dont want to do the same trip in a tin box.

It sounds like you want someone to give you the advice that you want to hear, which is obviously not the reasonable advice that people are giving you here. Talk to a professional relationship counselor.

So Tedmagnum, are you shipping your bike or buying one there? :)

You posted the question but had already known the answer, don't put all that pressure on her, she needs a bit of time for herself to think about it (12 months I'd say, at the very least...)

The serious bit:

If you ever brake up you'll throw all this I-didn't-go-to-SA-cause-of-you on her and won't make any good for neither of you.

Go on the trip and let the chips fall where they may.

I was in a (sort of) similar position when I decided to go on the trip I'm on now - but there was no real discussion of whether I would go or not - I made the decision that I badly needed an adventure because city life and an office job was boring me to death - decided it should be on a bike, got my bike license and left - my girlfriend of 2 years saw it was something I needed and never questioned it, but I belive it is decidedly unfair to ask someone to wait while your off having the time of your life, so we split up. After all in modern city living partying and having sex are some of the fun things to do, hard to deprive someone of that!

Like Otis Reading sang, you don't miss your water till your well runs dry, and my feelings for her are stronger now that I am on the road, so will try to hook up again when I get back (don't know how she feels about this yet!!!)

ps - Ray Jardine, proper legend

pps
 

sorry, read my post, forgor to summarise -

IMHO - not worth not doing the trip for a relationship and if it is worth not going for the relationship then the relationship will survive you going anyway (does that make any sense). If she cant see that then sack it off get on the bike and go - if she really misses you while your gone she can always come out for weekend breaks etc as you make your way!

Great comment!

If you can't compromise the duration of travel and travel without her for shorter periods of time, and she doesn't want to go at all, and you really want to go as bad as it sounds, then I'd seriously considering splitting up. YOu have not stayed together that long to grow real roots together, nor do you have commitments in the shape of children.

I do however firmly believe that duration of travel does not dictate the degree of adventure. The Dakar rally for instance is 9.000km in 14 days...You can have a lot of Adventure in a month or two, and you can also connect the dots arround the world even if you divide your trip up in many smaller trips. But I do agree that there is something special about being away for a long time. My only point is that if this woman is very important to you, then maybe rearranging your priorities will not sound as bad, and may even give you some of the best of both worlds. Are there for instance other types of adventures, lasting 1-2 months, that could come close to staying away for a year? But, it sounds to me as you have made up your mind allready...

Thanks guys...Allot of good advice here.

I sat down with her last night and we've made a small compromise. We're going to travel Southern Europe instead and retrace some of the bits we liked when we did the trip sometime back.

Were going to go on our OWN bikes meaning she can pack as much makeup, clean knickers and hairdryers as she likes and stay in hotels too

Its not the trip i dreamt of and South America is still firmly in my heart but I hope by doing this trip, she will gain confidence and the joy of riding her own bike with her own luggage (instead of trying to share everything on one bike and being a pillion), and then ease her into a longer South American adventure.

This way we'l have the bikes, the gear and the experience and hopefully she will have shaken all her fears and inhabitions.

Good call! Ease in the experience, up the confidence, and you will sooner or later have your will.

Go a little out of your way making it a great experience for her, like giving her massages after long rides, doing some great dining out, see some great sites, travel shorter legs with longer stop overs, take a greater share of chores, having patience with her, etc., and she will come to love it in due time, no doubt (I mean, how can one not?). Also, all the cred she will get from folks back home, and people she meet along the way, surely should make her want to up the anty the next time about. She will not only come to enjoy it, but she will come to feel proud and cool!

Although she might not admit it, she might be concerned about all sorts of perceived risks, dangers and nuiances, etc., making her want to stay at home. We live in a day and age where most westerners have become overly paranoid with every conceivable risk known to man, trying to eliminate them all, and create a risk free world for us to live in. I'm a firm believer that this focus makes us perceive even the remotest of threats as iminent and very likely to occur unless serious precautions are taken. Also, the adventurers' perogative of bending truths about ones adventures, to make their achievement seem more exceptional in the eyes of others, simply doesn't add to the confidence of newbies.

I suggest you get her a bike as soon as possible and ease in the riding bit, doing many short trips at home before leaving, making sure each and every trip has a "safe" scenic route with something enjoyable at the end, like a BBQ at the beach. In the beginning, until she gains experience, she might be more affraid and negative than ever, but this will pass if you can keep her riding and make sure she gets rewarded. Also, maybe arming yourself with some good arguments and statistics would be a good idea, to ease in to conversations? Maybe also some bike to bike communication would releave some insecurity the first thousand kilometers or so?

I'd also consider buying her some litterature, not just the handbook and travellers guide types, but also some great books that successfully romanticises chicks on motorcycle trips/adventures. Entertainment and romance is the key, not action, fear, struggles and adventure. Place a post where you ask our fellow female riders which book will likely get her turned on.

But, be careful not to go overboard, putting on too much pressure on her. The clue is to slowly reduce her fears and increasing her biking lusts, through positive experiences, dealing with false convictions, and by putting dreams into her head.

As for me, I suck at all this as I'm the most impatient person I know, but I really do try hard with my wife, and it seems to work. Now she is taking her licence, with her test June 30th, and coming with me to Africa a week later (if she passes her test, which hopefully she will). I spendt more than a year actively trying to convince her... maybe I should have followed my own advice, to ease it in?

Maybe buying her the adventure motorcycle book got her spooked lol.

Its going to be a while before we get away, over a year as we need to save big time. :helpsmilie: I suppose South America will be a year or so after....
I just hope i dont let my dream turn into a memory.

WOMEN... who'd have em.

This reply says it all really. Close that particular chapter in your life, and pack your panniers. You're both right about how you want to live. Better to find this out now before you get established together. However, it won't be easy to do.

...and then there were two...
 

At first it sounded like a hell of a lot that you were willing to give up for a new relationship and a gal that didn't really understand the drive that had you planning and preparing and studying for 12 months, the personal investment that was going to allow you to escape the concrete jungle, and find meaning in the green one, being moulded by all of the amazing experiences.

It's complicated when your head is full of thoughts of the future and trying to predict outcomes, if I do A, then possibly B will result in 12 months time. And compromise is always a tricky one... there is always one of the two that stands to give up/postpone more.

It is good that you have planned a joint adventure though. Even if she had gone with you to S.America, there would always be the fact that it was your adventure. At least this way you have taken the big step to plan a completely different adventure together.

And, who knows, the time that you have to save before your trip may change things (Time always does, doesn't it).

...and about that 'WOMEN... who'd have em' comment...pfft!
Plenty of lovely, energetic, fab women all over the world who are planning their very own travel adventures.

Women... you can't live with em. The end. (Al Bundy)

I'm glad it all kinda worked out for you although you should realize that (s)he who blackmails once blackmails again. In reading this I realized how glad I should be that my girlfriend is even crazier than I am and sometimes enjoys her pillion seat more than I enjoy the ride :)

I hardly think this worked out at all. The trip was planned in your heart, and then you compromised to go on (another) trip to Europe. I guess, when she decides she has had enough of you, and "kicks you to the curb" you can finally go on that dream trip. But then, she'll be "sorry" and want you back again, and suck some more of your life from you. Before you know it, you'll be old, grumpy, and have never stepped foot in South America! Think about your "compromise."

Why wait? Run to the bank and borrow some money and go before she changes her mind... or gets herself knocked up with your child, or what not.

Do you have any property you can mortgage, parents that could help you out, or a nice car you could sell???

With the saving bit, have you agreed upon how much to save every month? Or, will it likely end up being you who has to bank roll the whole thing? Saving is more difficult than it sounds, especially for the homey types who see so many temptations everywhere. Loans are easy, you have to pay... or stay away for ever :thumbup:

I guess it depends on your definition of "worked out". They worked out a compromise, Europe instead of South America, but if you read carefully, he has not cancelled SA yet but it's still planned in the future, hopefully together with his girlfriend and not alone. That's what I meant by 'it kinda worked out' ;)

I realize this is a really tricky situation since whatever your decision will be you might regret it in the long run, that's the real PITA here. In the end, do what your heart tells you to do. If you think you will regret not going to SA for the rest of your life then you have already made your decision and you know you will have to go unless you want to end up an old fellow filled with bitterness and always sorry about not going. If you think you will regret breaking up then alas, you will have to compromise or change your plans. In the end, do what makes YOU happy, not what makes HER happy, that's the bottom line.
Take comfort in the fact that you're not the first one with this problem, find comfort in the fact that lots and lots of travellers probably had to leave their 'potential love of their life' behind when they left - yet I have still to read a travel report where the person ended up regretting his or her decision.

PS: I second Wheelie's suggestion of not waiting and going now before she changes her mind. Remember, she did change her mind about going once already, she might (will?) do it again if you wait. Go now, book your flights so there's no way out for her anymore. Imagine not going because she changed her mind after 11 months of planning...

Well.. As I said, we've agreed to travel France, spain and Italy and maybe into greece & turkey. Im happy with that as there is still allot of spain I would like to see and practice my Spanish.

I told her today that im going to South America within the next 2-3 years and she either supports me and excepts my dream, comes with me and joins it or gets left behind.

I think thats more than enough time for her to make a decision and plan around.

Im happy to compromise, but theres only so much ill be pussy whipped into postponing or canceling. If she loves me, she will have to understand me.

Im 26 and still pretty young but I as people have said, Im not prepared to grow old and grumpy with a bag full of regrets. My biggest fear is that ill be made to pospone my dreams and then end up being 40 year old with a wife, kids and morgage and watching all the things I should of done on the discovery channel.

Quote :-


Im 26 and still pretty young but I as people have said, Im not prepared to grow old and grumpy with a bag full of regrets. My biggest fear is that ill be made to pospone my dreams and then end up being 40 year old with a wife, kids and morgage and watching all the things I should of done on the discovery channel.



steady on there, there's plenty of us on this site who are in their 50's and older!, out there riding POST kids, morgage etc.

I didnt mean any offence in it... just that i dont want to wait 20 years to do all the stuff I could be doing now ... Get my drift ?

Ted,

I am not trying to be mean, but listen. I got married nine years ago, and have a six year old son and almost two year old daughter, plus the mortgage, etc. I only "discovered" this whole world last year when I found bits of a journal written by Greg Frazier and were linked to HU. I thought to myself how great it would be to go on a trip, and all, but reality kicked in. I compromised my existing life, and recently bought a very cheap Chinese manufactured enduro which I haven't ridden very much until I have the time to get to the local branch of the Arizona Motor Vehicle Division and street register it. I will take weekend trips here and there, and look forward to long rides into Mexico, or other parts of Arizona.

Ted, your life is opposite. You had your trip planned, and budgeted. This woman came into your life, and changed your mind (for you) about what you were going to do. I hope you enjoy the "compromise" trip as much as she will. I bet that she will complain about it most of the time you are on it, so as to let you know how she really feels about this whole "non-sense." (Plus, according to her, if you really love her, you will then have to see things her way, and her way only). Write back periodically, and let us know in 2 or 3 years if she "allows" you go on your long trip. I am not trying to bash women, but there are women who actively participate in this lifestyle. Look for somone on the net. Your significant other seems to grudgingly "allow" you to do so, but at great compromise to you. Take the advice from those who tell you to really think about this relationship before you are too emotionally connected.

Regards,
Simon

Ted, lots and lots of good advice above - mine is simple - be sure you BOTH get to the UK Travellers Meeting in June - I think you will find it the best experience possible to help you with your decision - and she'll get an eye and earful, all good - mostly - and her reaction will tell you a lot!

There's even a "women only" panel discussion, with experienced women travellers, both pillion and on own bike, and plenty of newbies discussing everything she'd want to know. THAT she really needs to get to.

And you'll have more than enough to addle your brain...

See you there!

Grant

It's not about the ride...
 

My wife and I are 64 and in a few weeks we will head off on a Chinese motorcycle from NE China and travel west to Baja Mexico. In two weeks, we will celebrate 42 years being married. Giving our age and long term relationship I think I can offer a different perspective - it isn't asbout the ride, its about passion and if two people don't shate the same passions, NOTHING works. The object of that passion is almost irrelavent.

I missed out on a trans-America (New Hampshire- LA-Alaska-New Hampshire)trip on a Triumph in 1963 and it has always a bit of a thorn in my side and while I never really threw it at my wife, she knew I felt somehow cheated because I gave it up for her I was young and in love). Then we did the kids, mortgage, career thing for a long time.

Then I retired, gave up my K1200 LT and moved to China to teach. About a year ago I announced that I was going to ride the Chang Jiang back to the US and did my wife want to come with me. Janet said yes but I knew that it wasn't a happy "yes". I told her that she could bail out of the ride at any point and rejoin at any other location, it was up to her. You see, by this time we knew each other pretty well, I didn't have the "will the relationship survive if I leave" syndrome. My wife knows that I am very passionate about what I set my mind to -- no matter what I do.

To move to China we sold the house, the cars, got rid of the dogs and she left two great kids and I left my K1200 LT behind. Now that we are leaving China we have to leave more stuff and will literally pack everything we own in the sidecar and head off for the next 14-16 months on our first trip of a life time.

If Janet didn't follow me all over the country while I was in business, she certainly wouldn't have moved to China with me in 2001 and without the experience of China she never would have agreed to come on this trip. What's more, after she became involved in the planning, she is now really excited about this trip and looking forward to all the difficulties, joys, thrills and danger that we might encounter.

But then it's taken us 42 years (50 if you count the school sweetheart time) to prepare. Why go through all this? The divorce rate is already over 50% for kids just starting out. People fall in love and jump into a relationship without thinking or exercising the same amount of reason that you apply when researching what adventure bike you are going to buy next.

Compromise is good but make sure its compromise and not control you are looking at and that goes for both you. Waiting and planning is good but then so is jumping on the your bike at the spur of the moment and just riding off. In fact both are necessary for me, even at my advanced age (right!).

Keep this in mind, it may not be just this SA ride that you want to go on and that she is reluctant to consider, it could also be about which house you buy, how to raise your kids, which car and what color.

It's not about the ride, it's about passion, it's about life! Choose carefully.

Grant, I think you gave the best advice of us all...go to, and take your girfriend to, the HU meeting!

Flashy, I think you put what others and myself said with a little more eloquence. I don't mean to jump on his significant other, but it sounds like he is the one who has to compromise. He just met her, and his plans are now supposed to change to accomodate her. I hope he reads your answer and takes heed!

By the way, are you going south into Baja? (Is that where you plan on living?) If you are going to be anywhere near Yuma, Arizona, look me up.

I was a little misleading.. We have only been a serious couple for about 6-7 months but we were good friends for some years before so it feels like we been together for quite some time longer.

Im taking in every word of this forum, even the ones I dont want to hear and its helping me. We are deffo going for a trans european ride next summer and iv told her that south America has GOT to happen for me. I still dont think shes keen of South America as she says it makes no sense to go on a bike. She said she will travel SA but only for a month or 2 tops and not on bikes.

I told her im going, on the bike with or without her the year after our trip. I guess only time will tell what happens.

Ill try and get the HU meeting if I can... Where and when ???

UK 2006 Meeting Make sure you both go and maybe she'll be converted?

Regards, Mick

Or you'll find out the truth...

:angel:

or

:hang:

Do what you want to do
 

Ted……
Hmm… where to start?
I believe that staying in a relationship where one of the partner is controlling will lead to lots of heartache for the other one. Is it going to start by you giving up the trip, then the bike, then everything that she will not approve off? I don't know your girlfriend, but I've met few girls who started testing the water with their boyfriends by ultimatum on this and then that etc… and wrapped the guys around their little finger so that in the end they were just puppets who would do anything to please her so that they would get some peace! Make sure you don't turn into a puppet, that's all!

Now about going to SA, but she says without the bikes. I think it’s a great idea. Take her to do a 3 weeks holiday around the Ruta Maya for example. After taking the chicken bus in Guatemala, and spending hours and hours in buses (is it 24 hours from Flores to Antigua? Can't remember exactly) to go from A to B, carrying a huge suitcase or backpack, she will realise, that moving around in SA without your own car or bike is a huge pain and can be expensive (All those internal flights/ renting a car with driver etc…). Ha yes and also the fact the buses won't stop every 2 hours in nice locations for a pee in a clean toilet… She may come round to the idea of moving around in the bikes.

Last but not least, what is it that bring both of you together? You seem to be so different…. What is it that make you booth tilt? What passion do you share? What are your long term projects/dreams/expectations? AS has been said before, and as the French say goes: "L'amour ce n'est pas de se regarder dans les yeux, c'est de regarder ensemble dans la meme direction" (Love is not about staring into each other eyes, it's about watching together toward / to the same direction). Having a shared vision is essential for a long term relationship to endure, be it the bikes, travel, kids or Japanese stamps….

Don't give up your dreams. Don't let others dictate how you should live your life (like parents/GF/family…). Do what will make YOU happy in the long term, but that means also doing sacrifices (like upsetting parents/family, leaving the GF...)… Remember, nothing worth having comes easy.

See you at the HUBB meeting in June!

Don't put away your trip in South America right now...
 

Hi Tedmagnum!

Your girl friend like to travel with more comfort: Forget Europe and start in Argentina or Brasil to introduce her to South America!!! There are plenty of nice hotels. There are paveds road everywhere to keep her clothes clean. Bring her on the beaches in Brasil. She can find anything she needs easily.

Then travel for a while with her and if she does not like it, she'll fly back home and you'll have all South America for you and live your trip as you want it!!!

Don't forget that your money (Euro) is worth a lot in South America. Your small trip in Europe can be many months of travelling in SA.

Patrick

thats very true but flying ourselves and the bikes to SA will cost many thousands too :wacko:

Good thing about Europe is that we just need to hop on a ferry and were in France and the Journey has already started. Dont get me wrong, i WOULD LOVE to start in south america, but i want me and my gf to be happy and do it together.

Just leave her home and do as planned (SA trip). Im 30 years old and also single, and next week I`ll start my trip from home( argentina) to California (hopefully) so I really know how many effort is used in trip planning. Other way you will find yourself surrounded by kids and obligations pretty soon, believe me; i saw this happened to many riding buddies. Such a trip is a life time experience, and if you already took your choice, stick to it. I sold the car, other bike, quited job and now all my belongins are so few that they can fit the saddle bags.Ahh!! you'll find some real pretty girls down here, in case you need help removing you fiance from your mind. Good luck.

Goddag hr. Adam her.
 

Hi Erik. It's adam kjeldsen. I've been searching for you through the net, to contact you. Then i found this bikers forum, in my search for you. Please contact me if it's possible:thumbup1:

Brilliant! Good stuff! Good luck to you both -I like your spirit!!!

Thanks Dennis..

Some wise word indeed !! Will take them onboard

Is it real?
 

This is the first major difference that you have in the lives that you both want to lead. If this is a major goal for you and she won't accept it,and it is"potentile love" ,you should do it. How many more of your dreams are you ready to sacrifice for " potencial love".Live for your your ambitions and soneone to share them with
It's a tuff one, I hope it works out well.

Well, things have changed again..and this time its her mind.

I should have been clearer at the start. We have been serious for nearly a year now but before that we were friends,lovers and on and off couple for about 5 years. I guess we are a lot more serious than I thought...

She's turned round and basically said its the travelling or her. She thinks my lifestyle is hair-brained, going nowhere and ill end up with nothing. Me floating between jobs and "holidays" (her words) offers her no stability and future which is true, but iv always been a dreamer and a bit of a drifter and maybe its now taking a tole on my life in a negative way. Iv never saved, bought property or thought about the future and she wants the house, kids and sunday DIY store trips trips NOW !

Now I know many would say "screw her and just go" but I love her very much and I DO want the things she wants, but not just yet.. I guess it doesnt help that shes a few years older than me and shes quite keen to start a family.

I now have to decide.....Do I want to forget my dream of 1-2 years on the road and leave her behind for good, or sell my bike,gear and maps and start shopping for morgages.

I know I just want my cake and to eat it but i really feel at the crossroads of life. Do I pick love, kids and marriage and monotony or do I pick travelling, a stress free life and a bag of memories but potentially end up regretting losing the love of my life for eternity.

That's a tough one. No matter how much advice you will get, it's YOU who has to make the decision. But you probably already know that.

Our Western civilisation is a game. Money is its religion. The winner is s/he who dies with the most assets.

Compromise
 

It seems as though you are quite willing to compromise with the "trip of your dreams". However, she doesn't seem to want to do the same. I have had relations go south due to my need to travel and be adventurous. When the woman I was with gives me the ultimatum, well it's in my nature to follow my heart. Usually that meant following my dreams. As the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be". As with many of the readers of this post, I'm sure we have all faced this same thing at one time or another. It's a tough choice. Not one that should be taken lightly. However, me personally, I would rather regret doing something, than regret not doing it. Best of luck with your dilemma.

I just picked up this thread tonight and it's been going on for six months. Nobody's talked you out of going -- if you're wired for the road, you have to go.

I used to take off all the time in my 20's, and when I met a lady then, she never tried to change that. It's about accepting people for who they are. 30 years later, she's still around, along with our four daughters. I still take off when I can -- if you lived in a henhouse, you would too.

Have a great trip, man. There'll be plenty of time later for building your own henhouse.

Thank you all for your perspectives.

Iv decided to follow my dreams and hit the road. If she is the one and loves me for who I am, then she has to respect my dreams. I dont think im being unreasonable wanting to go on one big trip before settling down.

She always got the chance to come with me if she desires and I have no intention of fooling about while away.

If I dont do this, I will regret it forever and I will always resent her and myself. I have the rest of my life to settle down and do the boring stuff....

I read in a post which really rang home.. " Id rather regret doing something than regret doing nothing"

That makes a lot of sense to me....

Cya all on the road in 2008 !!

Happy travels. May the sun always shine on you and the wind blow on your back.

Peter.

Awesome. I will do a wheelie for you. Not right now though cause I've had a couple of beers.

A quote from a very thought provoking book seems relevant here.

“Would you want me to love you at the cost of my own happiness? ‘Yes’ she answered. Isn’t that delightful? Wouldn’t that be wonderful? She would love me at the cost of her happiness and I would love her at the cost of my happiness, and so you’ve got two unhappy people, but long live love!”

From Awareness by Anthony De Mello, Fount, London, 1997 p. 10

I think you’ve made the right decision and I hope you have a great trip.

This has all been very interesting! I got on this website tonight because I am longing for a motorcycle adventure. I've only done a couple 1 week dual sport trips around Colorado with a few friends. It inspired me and now I want a REAL adventure! I got stuck on this thread for pretty much my whole evening. I am a FEMALE whose boyfriend rides (we are both primarily dirt bike riders) but like your girlfriend, won't venture far from COMFORTS! It's all so ironic, isn't it! Well, I've learned alot for myself from the replies to your original question (whatever that was so very long ago). I've learned that there is no real clear cut answer to lifes dilemas, but the best guide is whatever makes your bloodpressure rise with excitement just thinking about it. Good luck to you.

kmpcolorado,

Wow, here I am reading the thread and the next person to post is just down the street! (I'm in Louisville) Happy travels where ever you decide to go!

cheers

Go
 

Ted,

You only have ONE LIFETIME. So go! :taz:

Fear not.. Im going !!

Im counting the pay cheques till leave date :)

You wanted advice.....
Dump her and go. Skip

Well... after all that !!

Just found out the bitch shagged someone while in Greece 2 months ago when she said she went away to clear her head about "US"

Thankyou missis for making the decision for me !!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaa ! LIFE is mine again :scooter:

Ted
We've lived through your turmoil on this one over the last few months and we share your pain... :biggrin:

Stephan

blessing in disguise
 

What a "blessing in disguise"! Things happen for a reason.
All the best now, hope to see :eek3: you on the road someday.

norm
cape to cape 2008

This is one of those rare, history making moments when the power of a motorbike is more powerful than the pussy!!

thought you might be interested in this book
'the perfect vehicle'
by melissa Holbrook Pierson

Iv just bought that book of Ebay for £2.75 :) Looks good.