If you second guess whichever choice you end up making, you'll always regret it in some way.

If she is worth spending the rest of your life with, you should be discussing it with her, and trying to convey your concerns (now you have an easy link to send her after writing it up so well ).

If you choose the relationship path, it will always be a compromise of some sort with another person who has perhaps slightly different desires. If it's a completely disagreeable scenario, like you hate kids and her life's goal is to be a mommy to a litter of them, that's going to be problematic. If you can make it quite known to her that you intend to take month-long trips or some such, but would always be happily hanging your hat at home with her, that might be helpful.

Perhaps just letting her know that you intend to make this sort of dream trip a reality at some point down the line. If you're willing to put it off for a while to be with her, perhaps she would be willing to let you go do it once you're all settled in and you're ready to do it.

You have to have a pretty good inkling of why you want things in life, too. Only you will really know what will make you "happy", and it will only mean that to you. Everyone is different. If you just want to run away from something, that tends to never work out too well (wherever you go, there you are). But there's certainly nothing at all wrong with the long-term travel scenario done for healthy reasons. And same applies to the other choice, of course.

There'd be a manual if we all wanted the same things, but we all get to basically make it up as we go with what we know. Whatever choice you end up making, make it decisively, and do not regret the choice. Regret won't change the choice you made later on down the road (barring discovery of time-travel, of course), and it would serve no purpose other than to harsh whatever situation you found yourself in at that point.


You weren't expecting an easy answer, were you?

So she laid it on the line and now it's time for you to make a choice?

I can understand from her perspective that her biological clock is ticking and she doesn't want to risk waiting a year for you to return only to find out you have moved on in what you want from your life, or have found someone else on the road.

Interestingly for me, I found the opposite on at least two occasions, when I returned they had moved on. :confused1: If I had to do it all again though I wouldn't change a thing.

Last year was my first long (over a month) trip in 25 years travelling by myself. I was away for 5 months and fortunate that my wife (of over 20 years) was quite happy to wait. Well quite happy is maybe too strong a statement, but I laid it on the line to her that I needed to do it and it was only fair given the sacrifices I had made in paying private school fees for 12 years for two children. I also offered to have her ride pillion but she was not keen on the idea because she was petrified of us having an accident in the back blocks of Siberia and making orphans out of our adult children.

Funnily enough we now have a better relationship as a result of my "getting it out of my system".

At heart I am one of the selfish people you speak of. Some people consider me highly inconsiderate of others needs, whilst others tell me I have achieved far, far more than many others (in the non-traditional measures).

I also know that in her heart my wife respects me and is proud of my achievements, which is a direct result of my determination and drive to do the things she is fearful of.

There is no right nor wrong answer Dusty, only you can decide based on your own circumstances, value system and what you want from your life.

Life is always a compromise, there is no perfect route to travel through it. You will make mistakes and have regrets. You will also be able to lie on your death bed and look back on your life, proud of what you have done without regret for that you did have the opportunity/determination/gumption to attempt.

Garry from Oz.

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Garry from Oz - powered by Burgman

Wow.

A simply question, yet such a complex answer: potentially. :confused1:
As you've pointed out: only you can answer it. The best we can do is provide points of view to consider it from, lest you can't see the the wood for the trees.

I will try to put simply, what I just typed in 3000 words before starting from scratch!! With your life, you need to do what you want to do.
Don't be too distracted by what people expect you to do.... Concentrate on what you want from life.
Life is too short, and the things life has to show you can be too amazing to simply dismiss for the sake of convience and not rocking the boat.

I will say the following knowing nothing of you or your young lady, so forgive me if it sounds a bit clinical:
You're young (only a few years less than me, I might add!!), and that is a great time to travel and see the world and really open your mind to what the world is really about.
Would you really be in such a unmanageable situation to start afresh, 2-3 years from now if you still want the family and house, with its own drive? Admittedly, it might be with a different person, but travelling now, does not mean a more settled future is off the cards. On top of that: what a wonderful thing to have so many experiences to call upon at such an age, rather than learning all those lessons, later in life...

You might have guessed, I advocate travelling. However, its easy for me to do so: I have no idea of your feelings for your partner, so its simple for me to dismiss them from the equation relatively easily (empathy does not have the clout of the real thing!): not so for you. You need to decide is this just a trip you fancy, or is it something that you feel will define you as a person; help you become the person you want to be.

If you really feel its a two choice game, and you don't want both or can't see how the two can co-exist, then which choice will make you feel "yeah, a part of my life really well spent" the most?

Either way, if you know in your heart what it is you want to do, then do it: I almost made the mistake of taking the easy route despite knowing it was not right for me: so glad I did not: I'm in a very happy place now, yet not where I expected.

Yeah, I know: you're right back where you started!! Sorry....

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Adventure: it's an experience, not a style!
(so ride what you like, but ride it somewhere new!)

Hey Mate,
I usually think these things are too complicated to open my gob, but read them to see what others say. I read though your post thinking "Poor guy, what a decision..." UNTIL this line "But I could also possibly meet someone with the same interests as me and that would be great." You later said that you and your current partner "dont have that much in common. " You are only 27, (I assume she is of similar age) so you have at least 10yrs of good breeding life. So not waiting in order to make having kids possible is not a reason. House /car/rat race... not even on the books.

At this point the decision was easy: GO! (you dont have to read any further really)

You may have an other chance at the trip later down the road. Or you may get hit by a bus tomorrow. This is irrelevant. In 20 yr you will not be the same person so even the same trip will be a different trip (the world will not be the same place either.) So Go twice!

20 years down the road when you and your partner have got the mortgage paid and the kids out the door. If you have "not that much in common" What will you talk about? What will you do? The relationships that last and are happy for both are the ones where they are best friends as well as lovers. People that have things in common, and like doing things together.

I am lucky, my wife and I have so much in common it is kinda annoying to other people. We are very different people and go about things in different ways. But we want and do the same things. If anything we dont have enough different hobbies. . Our bike trips are part compromise. She rides and has her own bike but is not a dyed in the wool biker, and when we travel it is two up. She loves traveling but the bike is not here first choice of how to travel, so in the end it is the travel she wants to do and going by bike is a minor compromise.

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2000 Africa Twin
http://two-up-ona-twin.blogspot.com

I don’t like telling others how they should live their life but your post (sharply!) struck a personal chord with me. The advice I give is both my own and that of someone older and wiser than I.



It’s almost a cliché that you ought not to finish your life regretting the things you didn’t do but in my case, in my ‘40s looking back on my own life it consists only of things I regret not having done and as a consequence find myself having no memories of any interest or consequence nor any youth left now in which I can impart the experiences I should have in my youth. The cliché is true and usually it hits me with the force of a locomotive at four in the morning after another sleepless night. You can never get it (your youth) back.

I just read Simon Murray’s book “Legionnaire” which chronicled his youth in the French Foreign Legion in the early ‘60’s. Mr Murray later went on to found the Orange mobile phone company and in his ‘60’s walked unsupported to the South Pole. His wife (whose unrequited love first led him to join the FFL) set two aviation records in her helicopter. It was the last passage in his book which I found the most meaningful and apt to your situation;

They were rough those old Legion days and they took some crucial years of my life. But looking back now I do not regret it for a single second. It was a magnificent experience. We had a camaraderie that was unparalleled and the world was a much freer place in which to move than it is today. There was more time to wander off the path then, so that a boy of nineteen could run off and climb a mountain if he wanted to. The corridors of life today seem narrow by comparison and the materialistic ends we seek require a constant progression along the path from the moment we take our first examination. There is no allowance for time out.

But there is. And to those that totter on the brink, my advice is go and climb the mountains of life, and do so while you are young and you will be happy at sixty.

Personally, I am trapped and can't do much about it at present and see no prospect of ever being happy so learn from my mistakes and don't end up like me.



In a word – GO!

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Dusty are you still here? Get gone already. Run, run as fast as you can...

Ask yourself a question ...

Why did I post this???

By simply posting this makes me think you already know your answer in your heart of hearts!!!

I travel, I want to see things, experience new things & maybe, just maybe I'll meet someone out there who has the same outlook on life & travel as me - one day.

A (male) friend once asked me 'would you continue to travel like you do if you met a guy who didn't like travelling' - the answer was 'YES' - sorry, might be selfish but I'm not giving up one thing I really enjoy - his reply to that was 'you whore' - which didn't go down too well at the time!!!

You don't have a mortgage, kids ... do you really want to live in Colorado? After seeing the Andes, Alaska, who knows - you might find somewhere else that's more appealing to settle down ...

Don't cut yourself off now; do what you want to do and enjoy it. She might wait for you, she might not .. but if things get rocky between you in X years - what will you be saying to yourself???

Want to see your trip reports when you do set off!

Kira

Hi Fastship, sorry to hear about your current circumstances and frustrations. I trust life will get better for you soon but in the meantime I just have to say "never give up".

I'm in my mid 50s and still feel very much a youth. I'm certainly ready to give up my working career (now that my children have grown up and I no longer have school fees to pay - getting them out of my home is another issue though ).

On Monday this week my wife (who is 4 years older than me) and I were at the Melbourne Big Day Out (alternative music concert with over 40,000 attendees) and we were the oldest attendees in a sea of teenagers and twenty somethings.

You are only as old as you wish to be. During my recent travels through Russia I met many youngsters on the road who invited me back to their homes and introduced me to their parents who were of my age. The youngsters then went on to disparage their parents telling me that their parents had grown old before their time and by comparison I was still like a twenty year old (I just consider myself immature ).

My wife is a corporate language trainer who teaches Japanese to twenty year olds. They treat her as a peer, and as a teacher her philosophy is to make learning fun (as people learn better that way) so classtime is usually quite anarchic.

Even our children often tell us to grow up and are embarrassed to introduce us to their friends because of our childish ways.

It's all in our mind and attitude, and based on your writings you strike me as a person who still has plenty of energy and determination to achieve their goals, even if you have to wait a little while longer before you can start on them.

I look forward to meeting you in some out of the way backwater far from both our present homes, having fun and sharing tales of our experiences and adventures on the road.

Garry from oz.

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Garry from Oz - powered by Burgman

Hmm. Tricky. I think that one of the things I've learnt is that life is about compromises. If this girl is as good as you say and you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with her then you may have to accept that you might not get to do the 'big' trip. But you would need to explain to her what a huge thing you are sacrificing and explain that if you are going to make such a sacrifice, she needs to as well. Which means letting you go on the odd one, two, three month trip.
To be honest, there's not a lot you can't achieve in a couple of months and a well planned two month trip can be every bit as memorable and adventurous as a less well planned year long trip.
I think we are pretty spoiled in the West and it gives us unrealistic expectations. I remember talking to a guy in India years ago who told me he got one day off a month! At the end of the day you can't have everything, it's jusst not possible. If the lass is your dream girl then sacrifice the big trip for her, its not like you can't do other stuff.
If not, then go and don't look back.

From a personal point of view, I would expect a lass to wait about six months in extremis, but wouldn't like to ask her to wait more than three on a very occasional basis. Any more than that is taking the p***!

Hope you find your solution.

Matt

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http://adventure-writing.blogspot.com

http://scotlandnepal.blogspot.com/

*Disclaimer* - I am not saying my bike is better than your bike. I am not saying my way is better than your way. I am not mocking your religion/politics/other belief system. When reading my post imagine me sitting behind a frothing pint of ale, smiling and offering you a bag of peanuts. This is the sentiment in which my post is made. Please accept it as such!

I made this decision three years ago. I'm now married with a mortgage and wouldn't live without Karen for anything. There are of course many days when I'd rather be up a trail in Morocco than trying to convince morons to buy electrical bits or painting the back bedroom or stuffing pills down the cats throat or unblocking the ......

Karen isn't into adventure in any way, her idea of a good holiday is a rented cottage in the lake district. We share a love of food, etc. so there are days when I sit at home on the port and cheese after a huge meal, or we both get ****ed in some German Keller and I wouldn't want to go near any bike again for love nor money. There are other times I feel like this, but they are none of your ****** business

The fact is you can't do everything at once. You've got to take your chances and go with what seems right at the time. Now there is no way I could afford a year off work and so on, so my choice was easier when the right girl came along. Doesn't mean once I am in a position to do a trip longer than a couple of weeks I won't, but we'll sort that out when we get there, decide if I'm solo or two up (or divorced I guess). I don't get any pressure for kids etc. which again proves I picked the right one. Karen is happy to do her own thing so long as I don't kill myself, come back when I say I will and do what we agree to do. It's a good life that'll develop as it goes along.

If you are in a position to travel now and are only questioning the bit about leaving your girl, I'd say you already know which way to go. I'd say the fact you have such differing ideas about the future probably proves it.

Simplistic solution: set off. If you turn round next day or keep going you've got your answer. Same is true if your girl changes her mind. Aim at the day you set off, prepare for any answer that might come and keep your phone switched on until you loose the signal.

Andy

Hi

You should go, as I'm with the woman of my dreams and we have been married for nearly 25 years now. We met when we were 18 and I always made it clear that I was going to and had to travel, before I could ever imagine settling down. We went out and during those few years before I went on an RTW at 24, I had been on two trips round Europe,each one several months and Diane waited. All worked out, as we have the three kids, dog and driveway and would have been deeply unhappy and resentful if I hadn't done my travelling back then and perhaps never getting the chance later on.

I also left a good job back then, in the early days of DHL, famously turning down a sought after promotion from a bemused manager and resigning at the same time saying: "I'm sorry Roger, I'm leaving, as the prospects are to good!"

As a believer in fate, if you and your lady are meant to be together, you will be, whether now or in a year or two.

I still can't believe I had the guts to tell Diane over dinner that I was off to the USA in the morning, after courting (sign of age!) for over three years! The reason for the late notice was that I knew it would be tears and in what I suppose was my selfish period, the less tears I had to handle the better.

I flew free with DHL and then hitched from NY to LA over 4 months and then settled down in Santa Monica, where I drove a cab. Great fun and other girlfriends, but they were all airheads, so after a year or so I called Diane and she flew out to join me, as she was always in my thoughts. In the meantime, she had gone to Jersey to work in a hotel for the previous summer and that helped her understand the need to travel and why it's good for soulful experiences and to make memories.

We then drove a convertible VW back to NY for a driveaway company and flew back to jobs back at DHL in London. Since then we have travelled to many parts of the world, Brasil, Aus, China, etc and our children are also fairly well travelled and like us love meeting people from other countries, so they can hear more.

My son Rory, one of twin boys is nearly 18 and I'm pretty sure we'll be doing a bike tour into Spain within the next couple of years, which will be a fantastic experience for both of us.

So much to say on this subject and you have bought back a few memories from those times, such as sleeping under the stars on the bank of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, doing the Mardi Gras, yachting under Sydney Harbour Bridge, with a Tooheys in hand, being slightly stoned and watching the sun set and the lights go on over Rio from the top of Sugarloaf mountain, over 4 fantastic hours, seeing 100's of live crabs each trussed up with bamboo leaves and then thinking they are being released, only to find that once they stretched their legs and claws out they were only trussed up again, as they were only being retightened. Made Di cry, but that was in the live food part of Stanley Market in Hong Kong, not a place for soft shandy drinking southeners like us and glad I was able to guide her out without her seeing the dog stall!

You need to get those kind of memories and experiences under your own belt, otherwise what stories are you going to tell your spellbound guests at dinner parties or seeing your mates green with envy down the pub as you tell them about the sights you saw in the knocking shops of Bangkok, which is well named, but I digress!

It looks like the advice given is to Go, as it will all work out in the end and will definitely for the better.

Look after number one and the rest will fall into place.

Enough ramblings.

Good luck with what ever you do and a message for Fastship, "It's never to late!"

Cheers


Chris

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[/SIZE] "Live dangerously for as long as you can!"

Don't you or your girlfriend take it one way or another type of a situation. Hit the road first and start the life you've planned later, if the girl is still there... or... First start the life with your girlfriend; and then hit the road when the obvious time comes, if the will is still there.

can

I was in a similarish situation:I had planned to travel for years, I had been looking for exciting and new challenges, I also did some military time, and I also met a girl.

The girl of my particular dreams walked back into my life after an 8 year hiatus, only 8 months before I was due to go on the trip. I was lucky, I had wanted her since we were kids, back when she was my best friends girl, and 14 years old. I went ahead with the trip, despite there being no possibility that she could come with me.

I have seen some incredible things and met some incredible people in the 4 weeks I have been gone, but I have also realised something important.

I rode through the Sierra Nevada, the Pyrenees, the Rif and the Atlas, and were stunningly grand and life affirmingly belittling. But if you squint they could be the Peak District, or the Cairngorms, where I have spent wonderful holidays with Han. I swam in the Med and the Atlantic, and tasted their warmth and foreign salt. I have watched incredible sunsets that set the whole sky on fire and turned the world red, and seen cities wake up under tentative morning suns, but I have woke up under them alone. The world is an incomprehendibly beautiful place to live. BUT, it is the people who make our world, which is no more than a lonely rock to live and breathe on.

You can see the sun set over every city in the world, climb every mountain and swim every sea, but if the person you want to be with isnt there, you may as well stare at a candle, stand on a molehill and splash yourself with tap water for all it will make you feel.

I have found this out by leaving, and nobody could have given me any advice to stop me leaving, and I dont regret it, I am having a great adventure, and I have learned this about myself. I think you might have to do the same thing; otherwise you will always regret it and hold it against her. If it is real she will let you go, and will take you back again.

While being on the road is awesome, and is something I love, as you obviously do, I have realised that what I had at home was special, and so am not going to spend as long away as I planned. Instead I am going to come back earlier, save some money away and restart my trip with a little extra baggage. Well, maybe baggage is the wrong word, too many connotations, lets say I will be bringing about 5 foot of extra luggage with me next time.

You might think that your heart is set on doing the trip, then when you get out on the road find you left that heart at home.

Birdy

no i wasn't and thank you,
My son Rory, one of twin boys is nearly 18 and I'm pretty sure we'll be doing a bike tour into Spain within the next couple of years, which will be a fantastic experience for both of us.
that is another dream of mine to take a son/daughter on trips one day that would be fantastic i hope you enjoy your trip

The fact is you can't do everything at once. You've got to take your chances and go with what seems right at the time. Now there is no way I could afford a year off work and so on, so my choice was easier when the right girl came along.

i guess maybe im trying to cram to much into my life, other people have said that as well in my past that im trying to get to much accomplished. and taking this year off is going to leave me flat broke, i only hope my job will be willing to take me back quickly, luckily i do have a mom, and sister who would be glad to take me in for a bit till i got back on my feet, but is that to much to ask of them?

Hmm. Tricky. I think that one of the things I've learnt is that life is about compromises. If this girl is as good as you say and you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with her then you may have to accept that you might not get to do the 'big' trip. But you would need to explain to her what a huge thing you are sacrificing and explain that if you are going to make such a sacrifice, she needs to as well. Which means letting you go on the odd one, two, three month trip.

she knew this about me from the start that i was a wanderer, and ive tried to explain to her that i really feel like i have compromised alot, i dont take anymore weekend trips, when we move the house would be her pick in an area she liked (my choice would be back country Colorado or Alaska). so maybe i have compromised enough already and this trip is just something i have to do, i feel like if i dont i will regret it but at the same time if i do i may regret not having this relationship

Ask yourself a question ...

Why did I post this???

By simply posting this makes me think you already know your answer in your heart of hearts!!!

possibly but i need some more digging till i find it

They were rough those old Legion days and they took some crucial years of my life. But looking back now I do not regret it for a single second. It was a magnificent experience. We had a camaraderie that was unparalleled and the world was a much freer place in which to move than it is today. There was more time to wander off the path then, so that a boy of nineteen could run off and climb a mountain if he wanted to. The corridors of life today seem narrow by comparison

that is one stong quote fastship, i know i am young and life should be wide open and i can see how it has closed in over the last decade

I am lucky, my wife and I have so much in common it is kinda annoying to other people

sounds like you enjoy being annoying and i have to say i dont blame you i dont think that a bad thing at all i would think its more that they are perhaps jealous

Yeah, I know: you're right back where you started!! Sorry....

yes but with some more good words of advice, thanks

Funnily enough we now have a better relationship as a result of my "getting it out of my system".

that is the best case senario, hopefully i can be that lucky and maybe she will become more understanding as time gets closer

thank you all again for your replies, im sorry if i didnt directly reply to all of them they are all insightful and motivating in one way or another. i greatly appreciate it. i have lots of time to decide and had no idea i would get such a large responce it nice to see that there are so many people with the same dreams as I.
cheers
josh

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"imagine all the people sharing all the world"

im kind of speechless to this, i really wish she could share it with me, thank you
cheers
josh

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"imagine all the people sharing all the world"