Grant just on a lighter note, I thought a thread on the above topic would provide a laugh for all concerned. I am unure if you would consider this a waste of valuable space or agree that it will provide a diversion from the day to day questions posted. Let me know your thoughts. Glen

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Never enough time to fit it all in?
Can't beat local knowledge!

__________________
Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

2 Bikers were talking to each other.

1st Biker to another > Hey where did you get this cool Harley man??

2nd Biker > The other day I was walking in the park at night when this sexy blonde came over on the bike and stopped.

She got down the bike stripped all her clothes and gave THAT look to me n said " TAKE WHAT YOU WANT" n I took this cool Bike.

1st Biker > Yeah u did the right stuff, the clothes wouldn't have fit you anyways...

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Red Bull
Ride safe, ride far, ride often,,,...
http://theroyalenfieldbullet.blogspot.com/
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/hari_iyer_s/my_photos

__________________
Red Bull
Ride safe, ride far, ride often,,,...
http://theroyalenfieldbullet.blogspot.com/
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/hari_iyer_s/my_photos

Maybe this post should be in the category >>
Questions that don't fit anywhere else. :-)

__________________
Red Bull
Ride safe, ride far, ride often,,,...
http://theroyalenfieldbullet.blogspot.com/
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/hari_iyer_s/my_photos

Joe Bar - books 1-6: they're so good that its worth learning French!

Til I hear different lets go.
This is an add for a Shoei helmet for sale on ebay. It's worth the read.
This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's to small for her big fat head.You know, it was all a big lie right from the beginning. I asked her if she liked bikes, (i've been riding since i was 9 years old.) She's like "Yeah, I love
Motorcycles, they're great!" Now, i'm thinking to myself, this chicks cool, she's hot, has big boobs, and loves motorcycles. I
gotta snag this one up quick.Little did i know that as soon as i gave her the engagement ring, all that would change. First, it was a subtle hint, you know, that the wedding's going to be expensive, and that that band costs just as much as my
motorcycle. With all these wedding plans going on, i hardly have time to ride my bike. I'm schleping all over the state looking at reception halls, listening to cheesy wedding bands, and picking out floral arrangements. She brings up the fact that i havn't ridden my bike in a while now, (No kidding!! She won't let me out of her sight for more than 5 minutes!) and that maybe i should sell it. Now, that brings a whole lot of tension into the situation. I'm like no way! Then i notice that our sex life has reduced dramatically. A man has gotta do, what he's gotta do, so, i sell the bike, thinking that things will get better. She promises me, that as soon as we get married, she'll get a good job, and then i can get another bike. We get married, and we're having sex everyday. Life is good. The Evil One is looking for work for like, 6 months. I find it hard to believe that she can't find a damn job, but who am i to say? She's just holding out for that Management position she says. To be quite honest, i really don't care, she's cleaning my pipes better than Roto Rooter. Then the kicker...She tells me she's pregnant. All the while i thought she was on the pill! I ask her how this happened, and she said the pill gave her facial hair. (I really couldn't see a difference, after all she is Italian). Fast Foward 9 months...i'm out breaking my back doing manual labor, she's a big, fat, hairy lipped beach ball, with the disposition of a rabid Pit Bull. Nothing i say, or do is good enough for her. The day she gave birth, i thought again, that things will change for the better. WRONG!! Now everythings about the baby. Me, i'm
second fiddle. Sex life? Ha! The only time i get some action is when i see her breast feeding the little bastard! I'm going
crazy, at least if i had a motorcycle, i could take out some of my frustration. Even the guys at work notice how miserable i've
been. One day, my partner rolls up on a brand new bike. I wanted to commit suicide. He knows how bad i wanted another bike. He see's the look in my eye, and asks me if i would like to take it out for a spin Friday night. It was truly the first time i lit up since marrying that bitch. Friday rolls around, i cash my check, and head on over to my partners house. I cruise around for a while, and end up at this little bar on the edge of town. I head up to the bar, place my helmet on it, and order a . I look over and see this little hottie chatting it up with her friends. I notice that the eye contact is getting more and more frequent. After a few more minutes, she walks over to me and tells me she just loves motorcycles. That they get her "excited". I ask her if she wants to go for a ride. Her beautifully full lips widen with a pearly white smile. I take that as a yes. I grab her by the hand, and lead her to the bike. She straps on the spare helmet that was on the bike, and away we go. We ride for hours. She taps me on the shoulder, and tells me her apartment is on the next block. Would i want to stop in for a while and have another . Who am i to say no? I watch her lead the way, and i can't keep my eyes off of her tight lil'behind. I think back to the days when old hippo ass looked like this. Well, once upstairs, one turned into two, and so on. The next thing i know, i'm in bed with her, and she was amazing! It was the best expierence i have ever had. Right then i had an epiphany. I had to be happy. I wasn't going to live a miserable existance for the rest of my life and something had to be done. Long story short, i left my hairy beast of a wife. (She's done good since i left. She remarried an Appliance salesman named Harold.) While i was moving out, i came across the helmet. I don't ever want to be reminded of my miserable past life, so please, make a bid. I have a motorcycle payment to make! The helmet has no scratches, size MED and i would rate it a 9 out of 10. Ok guys, First off, i gotta thank everyone for the great Emails. (Especially the Hotties sending me Topless pics. BTW, i never get tired of that!) I gotta get some things out here. ****** This is a no joke auction, so please, don't bid unless your gonna buy the helmet. I really need the money, and i don't think its fair to the people who really want to bid on this. Thnaks!***** Ok, some concerns have been brought up to me in a few of my emails. FIRST! Let me state that this helmet is not CURSED! I have brought in a Poltergeist to "cleanse" the Helmet. I assure you that their will be no left over "Bitch" residue in the helmet when the winning bidder recieves it.I also had the helmet INFRARED SCANNED for cooties, and it passed with flying colors. You have my word as a human being. I would never subject anyone to the hell i went through. SECOND! Many of you have asked for pics of the Ex. Come on now People! Do you REALLY expect me to have any pics of her. I damn near wanted to drink a gallon of Bleach just to clean my mouth out cause i remeber having to kiss her goodnight! If you need a visual, Halloween is coming soon. When the little grubby bastards come trick or treating with there scary masks, times it by 100, and you still won't be close to the UG-LEE-NESS of that Wildebeast. Again, it's been friggin' fun.

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Never enough time to fit it all in?
Can't beat local knowledge!

[This message has been edited by loxsmith (edited 28 March 2006).]

__________________
Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

They are translated in Dutch too.
They are GOOD!

__________________
Jan Krijtenburg

My bikes are a Honda GoldWing GL1200 and a Harley-Davidson FXD Dyna Super Glide

My personal homepage with trip reports: https://www.krijtenburg.nl/
YouTube channel (that I do together with one of my sons): motormobilist.nl

Till we hear anything against posting jokes. Here comes another :-)
..........................
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, " Ah, yes."
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours".

__________________
Red Bull
Ride safe, ride far, ride often,,,...
http://theroyalenfieldbullet.blogspot.com/
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/hari_iyer_s/my_photos

Turbo-charged Vespa
A rich business executive sees an ad in the Financial Review for the world's fastest and most expensive car. It's called the Tri-Turbo Convertible Fantasy and it costs over $1 million.

He decides he must have it and three months later he takes delivery. Eager
to play with his new toy, the executive takes it out for a spin.

At the first stop light, an old man rides up next to the Fantasy on an old Vespa motor scooter. Without invitation, the old man sticks his head through the open window and croaks, "Quite a ride you got there sonny - how fast will she go?"

"About 270 km," answers the executive. "No way," says the old man.

Just then, the light turns green and the executive decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 270.

But suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear vision mirror that seems to be getting closer and closer. Thinking it's a cop the executive comes to a stop.

Then, whooooooooooosh, something goes flying by.

"What the heck was that?" wonders the executive. "What can go faster than my Fantasy?"

Suddenly, the same blur comes racing back toward him, and whoooooosh, passes right by in the opposite direction. This time the executive gets a better
look and would almost swear that it looked like the old man on the Vespa motor scooter.

"That just couldn't be," he thinks to himself.

Suddenly, he sees it again in his rear view mirror and wham! It smashes slap
bang into the back of the Fantasy.

The executive jumps from his car, and sure enough, it's the old man on the
Vespa that's crashed into him.

"Are you okay?" asks the executive. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," replied the old man, "could ya unhook my trouser suspenders from your
external mirror, please."

__________________
Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

Do you realise that 98% of all harleys ever made are still on the road?! The other 2% made it home!!!
Derek

__________________
Roads are for journeys.
-Not destinations.

Know what Harleys & dogs have got in common ?

They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.

__________________
Missing, presumed fed.
https://youtube.com/@ChileBob

How can anyone be against posting jokes? Come on, speak your piece!

Please, keep it short, keep it snappy! In fact, just post a joke!

__________________
Dave

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'

__________________
Dave

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'

__________________
Dave

A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time. The teacher says to the first child ''Hello Becky, what have you been doing this Playtime?'' Becky replies ''I have been playing in the sand box.'' ''Very good,'' says the teacher ''if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit.'' Becky duly goes and writes 's a n d' on the blackboard. ''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit. The teacher then says,''Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?'' Freddie replies, ''Playing with Becky in the sand box.'' ''Very good,'' says the teacher, ''if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit.'' Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard. ''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit. Teacher then says,''Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?'' ''No,'' replies Mohammed, ''I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives.'' ''Oh dear,'' says the teacher, ''that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit.''

__________________
Dave

A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time. The teacher says to the first child ''Hello Becky, what have you been doing this Playtime?'' Becky replies ''I have been playing in the sand box.'' ''Very good,'' says the teacher ''if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit.'' Becky duly goes and writes 's a n d' on the blackboard. ''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit. The teacher then says,''Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?'' Freddie replies, ''Playing with Becky in the sand box.'' ''Very good,'' says the teacher, ''if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit.'' Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard. ''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit. Teacher then says,''Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?'' ''No,'' replies Mohammed, ''I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives.'' ''Oh dear,'' says the teacher, ''that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit.''

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Dave