Sat night 6th June.
I walk into hotel reception and ask for a room, "what kind of room?" the receptionist asks in perfect English as she looks at me like im something she picked up on the sole of her shoe.
"A hotel room" I say with a smile, "I believe someones just booked one over the phone for me?" ah yes, room 16 she says and i pay for the room on my credit card, i hate using the card but i want to keep my cash for more important things!
I park my bike directly outside my window and cart all my gear indoors, im determined to sample the French nightlife tonight and i start looking for some clean clothes to put on.
I open my tail pack and remove my stove and other cooking gear and think to myself jokingly "imagine i get so drunk tonight that i come back to my room and start cooking some camping food on my stove"
But surely that could never happen....could it?
Im showered and changed in record time and my first port of call is the hotel bar.
I pull up a stool and order a

, oh no its the ice queen from reception, she's a barmaid aswell!
Within 20 mins her mood has completely changed and i have her laughing like a hyena and to be honest she is'nt half pretty when she smiles!
2 hours later i've got her playing traditional Irish music on her laptop and speaking fluent Irish, (all be it filthy swear words)
Shes in great form and im in even better form and its then that i drop the clanger!
"You have a beautifull french accent" i say, "whereabouts in France are you from?"
"Dreseden" she replies, "Germany, im here just for the summer months"
Christ im embarassed, how the f*ck did i mistake a German accent for a French one? I must be pretty drunk allready.
I dont think i could be more ambarassed if i pissed myself in front of her.
Only one thing to do... another

frauline sil vous plait.
Beer makes everything seem better.
I finish my drink, mumble something about it being nice to meet her, make my excuses and leave, i've got 2 more bars to visit yet.
I walk/trot/roll down the hill twords Buddy Mulligans and enter to see everyone watching a rugby game between Clermont Ferand and Perpignan (I think), so this is why everyone was waving flags around Clermont today when i stopped for a kebab!
Against all my better judgement I order a pint of Guinness, now, any Irish man will tell you NEVER drink a pint Guinness in anywhere but Ireland and maybe a few places in the UK, its just not the same and a bad pint of Guinness can really mess you up for a couple of days.
I take my first mouthfull and oh my god, I cannot believe how bad this tastes, i look around the bar and everyone is smiling at me and saying stuff like Guinness nice yes? I force myself to swallow it and i really think im going to throw up.
I takes me nearly an hour to finish the pint.
I go next door to Le Shamrock to visit the barman who booked my hotel room and to buy him a drink.
Im only there a few mins when he produces a laptop computer and shows me photos that are strangely familliar.
He tells me he goes to Ireland every year to play golf and to fish, and the pics he's showing me are from a golf course not far from where i grew up and where my parents still live! What a small world we live in!
I spend a few hours here, the barman having a drink everytime i have one and all the locals making me feel as one of their own.
By the end of the night im discussing the finer points of the Toulouse rugby defense with a local who cant speak English, we communicate with wild hand movements.
Its closing time and i wish my new friends good luck and wobble off to my hotel, I've been told theres a fast food outlet called Mick burger just up the street (apt name for an Irish man looking for a late night feed dont you think?) but i cant find it, i search everywhere but no sign of it, were my French friends having a laugh at my expense? possibly.
Im drawn to the sound of laughter and music and i find myself outside another bar, will i have a nightcap, it would be rude not to.
I dont remember much about this bar except for one vivid flashback of me, on the bar gyrating to loud music and a girl has her arms wrapped around my legs and something about a dog on the bar aswell! somethings are best left in the murky depths of memory loss.
I wake the next morning in my hotel room with a stinking hangover, i open one eye and straight away i notice a strange taste on my breath, meatballs! I look around and there on the middle of the floor is my camping stove and empty food packets, looks like i got something to eat last night after all!