Tonight I feel lost with little hope of returning,
so I wrote a poem.

"Lost amongst,
Wondering it's worth.
Another dream upon my shelf,
Chasing rebirth."

Can you relate?

What's happened to male you feel like this?

I am a traveler, but my travels came to an end.
Now I live for money, for survival, for the rat race.
Yet I am unable to reintegrate. To live a healthy balanced life.
Reeling for presence, for purpose; I cling to new hobbies and dreams.
Researching and viewing life from the outside.
Withdrawn, and dying on the inside.

Stuck.

Beyond my aspirations there grows a hopelessness.
For life truly is meaningless.
A bunch of hedonistic pleasures and aspirations.
Experiences.

When I've already experienced so much,
It is hard to live any less.
I suppose when one grows old,
one learns to appreciate a life of simple pleasures..
To take less heed to the complexities of the world, and humbly accept ones insignificance.
To create refuge amongst the chaos.

..or not.

Where my path will lead me I am unsure. I guess the only thing I can do is make the necessary changes when the time is right. To aspire to live more in the present. To think less of money and more of contentment. To surround myself with positive people of a like mind. Above all, to hold on for tomorrow and see where this journey called life takes me.

Yet where does that leave me today..

“If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

May I ask how old you are?

27.

Is there hope for me?
Will I find balance.. contentment..
Or will I be one of those who falls between the cracks?

I suppose time will tell.

Welcome to reality! Yes it sucks sometimes,but if you don't get the bad,how do you know what's good when it comes knocking?
. I need you to do me a favour
When my wife and I were touring in B.C. With our bike from the U.K. I got a puncture,we had traveled 300 miles and had nearly 200 to go. There I cussing and sweating trying to break the bead when 5 canadians turned up and were trying to help,me I was like a heel,moaning and threat Ing to torch the bike. Turns out they had taking time off work to search for the body of his son in law who had gone missing in the bush. After half an hour they had to go and catch a flight. I will never forget their kindness,even though their task was grim to say the least!
. . Point is I got that tyre off, fitted a new tube and got out of there,how, because of them and their can do spirit. That day changed me forever. Anything less, is ,well not so bad. So the favour is......somehow get word to these guys that the Brit at the end of his tether, not only made it out of their but the experience made him a better person......
All the best Doug.

In short, yes, there is a great deal of hope.

Your getting advice from professionals so not much I can add here other than to suggest that it's up to you to determine if your musings are a part of normal existential angst that all travellers feel upon re-entry, or whether it is something more substantial that requires professional counselling.

If it is indeed the former, fear not, as almost all riders that I encountered travelling had some serious readjusting to do once back at "home". The ratio is probably dependant on the individual, but the longer the trip, the longer the readjustment process.

I think it's at least one to one, one year on the road, one year back at home wondering what the rat race is about and what is our place in the universe. For very long trips, it can even be a greater ratio than that.

As others have suggested, this too shall pass. Focus on what you have, practice giving thanks for the opportunities that are present to you. It can seem to be a small consolation at times, but there are a few million people in the world that would gladly change places with you if for nothing else to access the almost limitless opportunities before those of us blessed enough to live in the western world. Those opportunities have to of course be seized, but to most outside of the western world, they only exist as a remote possibility.

Final note, I see you are in BC. You are welcome to do what most riders do in some way shape or form soon after return, and that is to go on another ride. I'm in the interior, some good riding around here so you are welcome to drop by anytime. I've got a couple of books I can lend you and some cold in the fridge. That recipe, along with memories of adventure and simply the passage of time, as led many a rider ultimately to a long and happy life.

I had the same question in mind; 27 is a bad age to be 'cos you feel old, but you are not.
You'll get over it, most people do.
There again, some don't but a few pints of Guinness can fix most things
"Cheer up" is what I am saying, basically.
You live in a beautiful part of the world, I happen to know.

__________________
Dave