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17 Mar 2024
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I'd like to hear the Ladies thoughts on this
I already know the types of responses I would get from the guys, I'd like to hear what the ladies of this group think......
I am considering a 3 week motorcycle ride with a buddy which means my wife of 42 yrs will be left alone at home for that time.
She will only do short afternoon rides, there is no possibility of her joining me. I have offered to fly her and my buddies wife to the mid way point and spend a few days with her and fly her home.....she has nixed that idea.
This is not my first trip without her, but all the other times one of our children were at home. Both of our children live out of the country, we have no siblings left alive, our parents are gone, we have good friends, but my wife prefers her solitude....let's just say she is more of an introvert than extrovert.
She has given me her blessing to go, but I can sense she is not thrilled about the idea. I am also feeling reluctant to leave her alone....I guess guilty is the word. Usually when I go away something breaks in the house, or issues that you cannot predict......Sh1t Happens as they say.
I'm 66yrs old and think this will be my last big multi week motorcycle trip. I want to go, but don't want to go.
Thoughts?
thanks
brian
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18 Mar 2024
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Is there no one who might come and "visit" to give her some company for the duration?
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18 Mar 2024
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poldark
Is there no one who might come and "visit" to give her some company for the duration?
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She prefers her solitude, good suggestion though. I'm guessing she is comfortable having me home, but not having others other than immediate family stay
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19 Mar 2024
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What exactly do you feel the issue is?
You say she is happy in her own company, and that this is not the first time you've been on a trip without her - so when you say you sense she is 'not thrilled' - do you think she is anxious about being alone and something might happen to the house/her, or anxious that something might happen to you?
Either way, if she is not interested in joining you for part of the trip as you've suggested, is there perhaps somewhere she would like to go/someone she would visit which could take up a good chunk of the time you're apart - that way you've both got something interesting to occupy you and help avoid worrying about each other?
fwiw. if you're both in your sixties and you've made it through life this far unscathed, then odds are you'll be just fine this time around too.
Jx
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19 Mar 2024
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I don't think there is any one answer - you know her best! I know that I, myself, love it when my husband travels for a few weeks and I have the place to myself - and, likewise, he loves it when I travel and he's alone for a week or two. But - that's just our way of recharging and then reconnecting. (Oh, and we live abroad, away from kids and family, so a similar geographic situation to yours.)
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19 Mar 2024
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If it were me, I'd be out on my own bike (probably in a different direction, travelling with more than one man sounds unappealing). The flipside is that when I'm "stuck" at home on my own I love it since I can get on with all sorts of projects easier when I can organise my own time, last time I demolished a wall for example.
However, not all women are the same and it's possible your wife feels conflicted in a similar way to you, in that she doesn't want to be alone for *that much* time but also doesn't want to hold you back from doing something you enjoy. If she has any friends with whom she can visit, or even just chat online to, then her solitude is optional.
It sounds like you both need to work on your communication skills, for me and my other half we usually have good talks when we're out for a walk (and we both constantly try to work on our communication) but I've previously had a lot of success with a bit of couples therapy ... sometimes only a little is needed to help people open up a bit, and then things can get sorted out.
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19 Mar 2024
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts, ideas and suggestions.
My guilt is leaving her alone and what can happen at home or to her without me being there to help
She is definitely worried about me and what could happen at home.
Both of us worry about the "What Ifs"......stupid I know, but speaking for myself I have become more concerned with the "WIs" as I age
I think the first few days of me being gone are the worst.....then she will settle into her own routine
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19 Mar 2024
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Well, it's normal to worry about "what-ifs" as we age, with more mileage under our belts we've seen more things break at inopportune moments!
Have you thought about carrying an emergency beacon with you? That might help assuage her worries about you. And maybe you can find someone nearby that she could call in an emergency, too.
It might also help you both to check in every day, even if it's just a little text message to say you're missing her but having fun.
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20 Mar 2024
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What ifs? What if you don't take the trip? You said that this will be your last multi week motorcycle trip. If you don't take it, then you might feel like you lived a life unfulfilled of the LAST big adventure and have regret. You might even hold a grudge and be bitter against your wife. In this situation, you should take the trip because you are still your own person and have things you want to do in your life.
Have a conversation and I suggest telling your wife exactly this. You don't forsee additional long trips and this may be the last one. Ask her how you can make her happy and her time easier while you're away. Would it be phone calls every other day? Spa retreats once a week so she has something to look forward to? Maybe even plan something just the two of you for when you come back so she has something to look forward to.
At the end of the day, it comes down to love. She already misses you and worries about you.
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2 Apr 2024
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After much mulling over within my tiny brain I've decided not to go.
The more I thought about leaving my wife on her own the less appealing the trip became.
There will be regrets, but in the end it was the less selfish thing to do.
Thank you all for participating in this conversation.
brian
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3 Apr 2024
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Time to plan short trips, then 
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3 Apr 2024
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Sorry. I'm not a lady. But I'll chirp in on behalf of mine.
I left my wife (only been married two years) for five months last year to travel the Americas. Although it was guiding work. But she gave her blessing. She is very independent and self suffient though. She just kept busy on her own projects. It was tough. But only after a couple of months had passed.
It's worth noting that all of our clients were on five month trips too. All men, All married. All leaving wives at home..
It's INCREDIBLY easy to stay in touch with home now. EVERYWHERE has wifi. You can get wifi and make a call home in the middle of the Bolivian Salt flats for God's sake. Which many of our clients did.
And if there was an emergency, you're generally less than 24 hrs from home anywhere in the world now. Half that time in Europe.
Honestly, three weeks doesn't seem long at all. Although I appreciate that time is relative to the individual. The chances are that nothing will go wrong. There will be no emergencies. And you will be home before you really know you've left.
Take the trip. Life is short. Opportunties are few. You'll regret it on the day you can't travel anymore if you don't go.
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4 Apr 2024
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You have said that she doesn't want to join you part way through the trip. How about seeing if she would like to go to see one / both of your children?
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4 Apr 2024
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Decision of not going is final. Lick it, stick it, stamp it.....lol
I've been fortunate, via motorcycles I have been coast to coast in Canada, traveled 40 of the lower 48 States, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland, and Luxembourg. I have ridden over 500,000 Kms over the decades using 10 different bikes to achieve this.
I don't think the regrets will be that lasting, and as I age I appreciate being with my wife more than being away.
Safe travels all
brian
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