I had a huge trip planned. 6-12 months living and travelling South America at my leisure. It was my dream to escape the confines and feeling of imprisonment working in a 9-5 office job. Id bought the bike, kitted her out, studied Spanish for 12months, planned my routes etc... Pretty much ready to go.

but.... In the middle of this, about 8 months ago I met a girl and we've become quite serious. She was keen about coming with me as long as I came to aus with her first and put my trip on hold for 12 months, which i agreed to.

Well, the aus trip has evaporated and she no longer has any desire to travel (for personal & financial reason) and in fact wants us to get a house etc and settle for the holiday resort type things that Joe blogs is happy to settle for..

Shes made it quite clear that If i go and leave her then things are over (fair enough I suppose)

Well... what should I do ?? Give up my dream which was over 12 months in the planning, or lose the potential love of my life.. Iv tried to convince her to come with me but she wont/cant ride and has no passion to "live out of a pannier box"


Advice please ???

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Did some trips.
Rode some bikes.
Fix them for a living.
Can't say anymore.

Perhaps you could go for three months and meet her out there for a couple of weeks in between.

It's a really tough one.

If it were true love on her part:

(a)She wouldn’t ask you to give up your trip when you are willing to be flexible
(b)She’d go with you and give it a try since there’s plenty of time for the dull stuff later
(c)She’d still love you after 12 months away and maybe she will

If it were true love on your part:

(a)You wouldn’t be asking us.

That said, Iain’s advice is sound and if she can’t accept 3 months then perhaps in a polite way you should tell her your HUBB signature. A lifetime is a long time to be doing what other people want.

I hope she can compromise.
Stephan

Even you say, and I quote, "potential love" of your life. Either she is the love of your life or she isn't.

I dunno. If she's telling you one month "let's go to Aus for a trip", and then turning around and giving you ultimatums to stay home, I don't think this is "the love of your life".

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Bruce Clarke - 2020 Yamaha XV250

Nasty stutter your getting there Bruce....

what I mean to say is, I love this girl very much and I don't want to leave her and i respect her reasons for not wanting to come with me, especially as the trip would cost in excess of 6K.

I also resent the fact that I cant live the lifestyle i grew accustomed to, with just leaving the country at the drop of a hat and not having to worry how it effects other peoples lives.

I don't feel anyone should be told "its the trip or me" but I'm sure many of us have faced this same ultimatum.

Its also equally unfair of me to expect her to sit around and wait for me as
even 3 months is A LONG time for someone to wait and i want to go for longer anyway.

Is it just her or are other partners/wife's etc as uncompromising or is travelling a single persons game (assuming their partner isn't willing to go with)

__________________
Did some trips.
Rode some bikes.
Fix them for a living.
Can't say anymore.

I have had dreams to travel long distance since I was 17, now 26, and having read Robbie Marshall riding triumph from London to OZ. My partner then wasnt keen on coming with me, would only do the trip in four wheels. The want and need was getting bigger and bigger, last summer for various reasons the relationship feel apart, primarily down to my lack of commitment to settle down and do the sensible stuff. So now I am single, 3 weeks away from the trip of a lifetime and still contemplating if I have lost the love of my life. You have one life, just live it. Regrets will just eat at you but the rewards will be greater.

Stay safe

Paul

Fear of the potential consequences involved in burning bridges, tearing up ones roots and putting the rest of things on hold, with few conviction of things giving a long lasting increase in the return of ones investment, so to speak, is only natural.

But don't fret, there is a tedious and expensive middleway, which might let both of you have your cake and eat it too.

How about extending the duration of which you try to achieve your goals? Instead of achieving it in one year, do it in 6-12 years? Do the world bit by bit, one leg at a time. Ship yourselves and your bikes in and out for every leg, or have the bikes stored locally between legs. Use your regular vacations to travel, maybe with some aditional leave of absence. This way, you can keep your careers, and all those other things which may seem so important at the time. Although this will turn out more expensive, you have to see the increased costs up against increase in wages, down payment of mortgages of property which increases in value, etc. The only thing you will forsake in this scenario is alternative use of vacation time and cash.

Comitting oneself to a 4-8 week trip may not be perceived as such a risky sacrifice, but may very well be all she needs to get hooked, wanting to do the whole thing in one go. It may also be what you need to determine whether this woman is the right one for you... or it may even convince you that this adventuring is not at all what it was cracked up to be. Maybe you even find out that this is a better way to travel? If in the mean time, during these years, you were to have children, comfort yourself in the thought that a couple from New Zeland is currently spending one year riding 60.000 km on two bikes, with two children (6 and 8 yrs old?), and she has never ridden before. If you are both determined enough, you don't have to forsake nothing. Also, if you do decide to travel for shorter durations, and the children are old enough, there are always grand parents, summer camps, etc., which the kids can have great experiences from. You could allways swap your bikes for a Landcruiser. Lastly, maybe your priorities will change all together, with you valuing other things more adventuring, making it a little costly sacrifice to forsake??

If you do get her to go down this road, but you still don't get the chance to travel for extended periods at a time, you may allways have the enjoyment of planning the next leg together. Personally I think the planning and preparing itself is half the adventure.

Another resort, if you can't get her to go along, but you are thinking more about the years to come, than the first one ahead, and she really is the love of your life, than make a deal. You get to travel for a month or two, every other year, with or without her. There will come a time when getting away from it all (including the wifey and the rug rats), if only for a month or so every other year, just won't sound too bad.

Ask yourself this. You travel for one year. Then what? What do you do with the rest of your life? No more adventures?

So, this is what I suggest. Find a 4-8 week leg that you know that she would love, with things on the itinerary that she would be all stoked up about and unable to refuse. If you get her to go, hopefully she will want to do it again.

What does she like? Getting massages in south east asia? Sitting in a hammamed bath in Tunisia? Seeing the Norwegian fjords? Hiking the kilimanjaro? Riding route 66? Visitng wine castles in France? Travel through Tuscany? Shopping in London? Camping in the Sahara? Scooba diving in the Red Ocean? Doing an African wild life safari? Or just riding for the sake of it? Find out what she likes and doesn't like, and adjust your itinerary accordingly. Make your trip irresistable so she will want more. Maybe a little less camping? Maybe shorter legs and longer stop overs? Maybe better food and less dangers? Maybe another set of clothing and make up in the panniers? You've used ages preparing yourself for this, give her some time to climatise to the thought.

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Some good advice there.. Its appreciated. The problem is she doesnt want to go anywhere for more than a fortnight. She likes adventure but only if its finished each night with a 3* hotel and a clean comfy bed. I want to spend my nights under the stars or in rural villages. Where I think of a long potholed road through the moutains is a challenge and an adventure, she would break down in tears and call for emergency evacuation... Overlanding is just not her thing. Before we became a serious couple we were kind of "good friends". she came with me for 3 weeks over France, Andora and Spain 2 up on my Africa twin. She was unhappy with the lack of clean clothes and no hair dryer and I knew she was desperate to get home... and that was staying in hotels and lodges EVERYNIGHT... imagine her in South America.

I dont want to just go on holiday with a bike.. I want to go on a long adventure, to find myself, to test myself and to really spend time away from the comforts and emotional security of home. I love riding and I dont want to do the same trip in a tin box.

__________________
Did some trips.
Rode some bikes.
Fix them for a living.
Can't say anymore.

tedmagnum tedmagnum tedmagnum (so hard to say 3 times, but so needed)

1st and for most you already know the answer. you enjoy her company, but would not give her a vital organ. you know in the bottom of your heart she is not the one, Or you would not be hear. listen to your heart.

i believe that lovers do not hold hands and stare into one another eyes for ages. i feel they hold a hand in stare off in the same direction as they go down that path together as one.

this, this trip/traveling, is you and is in you. this MAY not be her.

as Ray Jardine (1 of my heroes) says," Success will require that both of you have that internal fire, the lofty dream and the unwavering focus on the distant goal. Otherwise, the first set of hardships could extinguish your friend's weak flame. This happens with some regularity: differences in focus and intent surface, and the journey's stress and pressures lead to a parting of ways."

u cannot ask or try to talk someone into this. they are not following their heart as you are. Everyone's path is of equal greatness but all are different paths.

you have to follow your heart/path. if she loves you everything will work out.

you have to travel, you have to.

i also believe that relationships are a lot like a trip in many ways. that 1st step into the unknown is so hard to make. so many people are unwilling to take that step. Am i prepared? Do I have the right documentations? theft? accidents? etc. etc. and EVERYONE is questioning you and thinking you are crazy..... you should not go, what about...? your goanna DIE!
we ask ourselves the same things in relationships. Am i going to find someone as great? Will anyone ever love me this much again? etc etc

everyone likes to sit at home and with the feet up in the safety of his or her homes. there is nothing to fear. traveling or in relationships. EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT.

everything is all about how bad you want it!!!!!!!!!! just figure out what you really want.

take care and good luck
wiese

It sounds like you want someone to give you the advice that you want to hear, which is obviously not the reasonable advice that people are giving you here. Talk to a professional relationship counselor.

So Tedmagnum, are you shipping your bike or buying one there?

You posted the question but had already known the answer, don't put all that pressure on her, she needs a bit of time for herself to think about it (12 months I'd say, at the very least...)

The serious bit:

If you ever brake up you'll throw all this I-didn't-go-to-SA-cause-of-you on her and won't make any good for neither of you.

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www.mfnaeuropa.blogspot.com

Go on the trip and let the chips fall where they may.

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Prevously known as JSherm
My blog: http://www.motorcycleramblings.com/
http://www.horizonsunlimited.com/tstories/sherman/ I will up date this soon, really Grant, I will....
"This is the story of America. Everybody's doing what they think they're supposed to do." J Kerouac
"Who's more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him" OW Kenobi

I was in a (sort of) similar position when I decided to go on the trip I'm on now - but there was no real discussion of whether I would go or not - I made the decision that I badly needed an adventure because city life and an office job was boring me to death - decided it should be on a bike, got my bike license and left - my girlfriend of 2 years saw it was something I needed and never questioned it, but I belive it is decidedly unfair to ask someone to wait while your off having the time of your life, so we split up. After all in modern city living partying and having sex are some of the fun things to do, hard to deprive someone of that!

Like Otis Reading sang, you don't miss your water till your well runs dry, and my feelings for her are stronger now that I am on the road, so will try to hook up again when I get back (don't know how she feels about this yet!!!)

ps - Ray Jardine, proper legend

sorry, read my post, forgor to summarise -

IMHO - not worth not doing the trip for a relationship and if it is worth not going for the relationship then the relationship will survive you going anyway (does that make any sense). If she cant see that then sack it off get on the bike and go - if she really misses you while your gone she can always come out for weekend breaks etc as you make your way!