Oh good - a bitching session about the police in Cameroon!! ;-)

I did a 3 year trip around Africa (West then East) and found Cameroon was spoilt by the police. I was stopped over 25 times, always because I had a RHD vehicle, it ranged from mild amusement to insistence that I was paying them 50 Euros as importing a RHD is illegal in Nigeria and Cameroon (not when in transit though). The English speaking parts were friendly enough and the borders professional (March/April I think?).

Cameroon shoots itself in the foot with tourism by making visas hard to get - hardly any embassies doesn't help.

Many checkpoints in Africa were quite friendly and helpful - but not in Cameroon where many checkpoints were clearly just uniformed robbery. At one when driving with friends I had the nicest and most helpful guy, and behind me my friends were being grilled like they were the last piece of fish on earth. It's a tiring lottery.

As general advice for those following in our illustrious foortsteps:

Watch the body language of everybody at the checkpoint and decide how to play it from that, but generally something like this worked: Get your head and arm out of the window, greet them in a local language before they get to the front of your car/bike (to let them know your not an arrogant racist idiot), start and own the conversation, be smiley and very polite, slightly loud, make jokes, keep repeating "tourist" "transit" "Gabon" with a confidence that says its fine, all normal, if they keep going on about RHD, ask them distracting questions about their family and culture (making a human connection is vital - if they are being robotic its a problem), when they ask for something you don't want to get into just ignore it and quickly ask another question, smile and so forth, repeat until they give up. Then close the conversation, thank them for their time and prepare to drive off. I always leave my foot on the clutch and in 1st gear, waiting for the opportunity to close the conversation and move off. Not many were strong enough to stop me doing so, usually a bit dazzled at how friendly Kiwi's were ;-p

In others words, present yourself as if your experienced, well organised, not going to be easily intimidated and a waste of time if they want anything. (Mindset: your made of teflon, nothing sticks to you, you have an answers for everything and will soon be on your way having made some new friends).

Don't ever hand over real documents!!! Colour photocopies before you go, have a whole bunch in your sun visor. First mission in each country is to photocopy your passport photo page along with your visa and entry stamp onto one sheet times 20. In Mamfe get your passport witnessed 2 or 3 times, then only ever hand over that copy at a checkpoint. When asked I handed over a real IDP (I had 5, never lost one), insurance was always stuck to the windscreen in the middle, they had to read from the outside. Then just photocopies. If they are being difficult then they ended up with 15 photocopies of everything under the sun, each handed over one by one, upside down, back to front with then aim of causing confusion and making things difficult - but remembering to smile, joke, laugh and use local language…. Many cops are not actually cops, often its the cousin of a cop, especially in the countryside, so many can't read very well and will just say ok, ok, enough… off you go….. Surprisely almost none of them ever asked to see the original documents, insist the photocopies are fine if they do and start pointing out the relevant details on each photocopy...

If it's all a bit serious, have a sheet handy with embassy phone numbers, names of the tourism minister and so forth. Say things like yes, yes, no problem, but I will just check with my embassy and use your phone to start calling. Pretend somebody answers if you don't actually call and then ask the officer for his name and station chiefs name and phone numbers at the request of your embassy. This sorts most of the arseholes out pretty quickly.

Drunk, power crazed wankers with guns pulled out at you is a different story. They have given up their legitimacy as officers of the law if you haven't done anything serious. I had this twice in Mauritania and twice in Kinshasa. Not much fun. Do your best. I got through Mauritania by successfully judging body language as he approached and refusing to wind down my window more than an inch and playing really dumb (Sir, is this the way to Mali?") for 20 mins. I figured he would fire a warning shot before taking aim seriously, but he didn't.
DRC with luck that some good cops turned up after delaying each time. Two machine guns to the throat and the question of "Do you have dollars?" is perhaps the most difficult question I have ever been asked. (I replied, "No I'm from New Zealand mate, we use the Maori down there ah" which still makes me chuckle as I was absolutely kaking it.

Simply put some people are better at this charade than others. Whatever you do don't sit there as they approach like a meek victim. They sense that.

I don't pay anything and really resent others that do - 10 minutes of bullshit is the longest I have ever been held up. Playing Slayer really loudly sorted that one out.

Find a nice place to stay for 2 weeks over Christmas if possible, avoid driving.

On average the police in Cameroon give a lot more serious hassle than most other countries based on my own trips and reading others stories over the last 15 years. Grit your teeth, then smile and get on with the charade….. ;-)